THE PERFECT FAMILY

Do you have a perfect family? The first family was created by God, being Adam and Eve the first parents who had a personal relationship with Him, but, as the present world heir of them, decided to separate from God and follow their own way. We must take into account that even though God made us to His image and likeness, He also gave us freedom, free will, for God has not created robots. But man and woman, although they own their life, their body, and all they have around them to the Father, the Creator, to God, they did not take Him into account and their family soon saw how their first descendants would suffer the consequences: Cain killed Abel, the first murderer of history, and why did he kill him? Surely this was not the perfect family. Do you want a perfect family? Keep reading…

THE PERFECT FAMILY VS THE REAL FAMILY

God said two important things to Abram, before He changed his name to Abraham: “Get out of your country, from your family, and from your father’s house, to the land I will show you,” and He also told him: “I will bless those who bless you, and will curse him who curses you; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed,” Genesis 12:1-3. And the second he tells again to his grandson Jacob, not to his son Isaac, in Genesis 28:14. Later He would change his name to Abraham, as he was considered father of the faith. We must follow the example of the faith of Abraham as families who seek God, and also His blessings in this world, and in the one to come. The life of Abraham, like ours, was not exempt of test, difficulties, tragedy, wars, fights, but God fulfilled His promise and blessed him. We must do the same and love God first.

The first family of history was created by God with Adam and Eve, and as soon as there was an opportunity, the enemy, the serpent, who is the devil and Satan, attacked the foundation of the family, the marriage, which is the foundation of humanity, creating doubt, providing temptation, offering another life separated from God by deception. We know the result, the fall. Genesis 3.

Today, the same enemy continues attacking the family. We see how in the west birth rate is disappearing, marriages break, or don’t get to be created. Relationships are seen as something temporary and without compromise and for our disgrace God’s values are not taken into account, those of our creator and Father who loves his children.

How is the perfect family? The first one who must obey God is the family head, the husband, the father, if we want to follow the Biblical order, of course: “…but if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than and unbeliever,” 1 Timothy 5:8. Unless it is an unmarried woman, or divorced, or widow, who has the possibility to provide and run the house. If they both husband and wife are there, they both must carry the joke of the family for provision, and it must be in agreement.

And, how is the real family? I think that to this question, we can all give an answer by our own experience. If we want to see our beloved ones, our family, the wife, or the husband, the children, the parents and grandparents, the grandchildren, uncles and cousins, nephews, walking with the Lord, we must also stand, be patient, pray a lot, preach without imposing, and finally wait for God to do in them. We must all go through maturing in life, through tests, falls, mistakes, suffering, deserts, betrayals, abandonments, rejections, failures. The Lord has made us free, and even He chooses many, He sends them to the desert, to loneliness and isolation so that we seek Him, that we talk to Him in the existential loneliness, where the real religious truth is found, which is the personal relationship with Jesus.

From there will come the counterpart of positive experiences, acceptance, success, humbleness, affable character, love of God, faith, trust in Him, brotherly love, goodness, wisdom, self control, temperance, intelligence, patience…2 Peter 1 the blessings that God gives abundantly to those who love Him, and He does generous and splendidly; those who have this provide the basis of the perfect family. You can read more to equip yourself at THE VIRTUE.

All these circumstances mentioned before, we must each of us go through. Therefore, if our loved ones are far from the character of God, we must know that they have not yet began their Way, and the Way is Christ Yahshua “I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father, except through Me” John 14:6. But we cannot impose ourselves, instead, with patience and love of God treat them as Christ does, leave them free, because if we love someone like God loves us, we must let them free, and if they love us, let it be from the heart. This to the adults, to the small children, we must clearly still put limits to them.

MARRIAGE

“On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee… …and when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him: They have no wine… …Now there were there six waterpots of stone… …Jesus said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.”… …Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.”… …When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!” This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him.” John 2:1-12.

If Jesus did His first miracle in a wedding, He must consider marriage very important, for since then no wedding should be celebrated without remembering that Jesus blessed that wedding. The most important relationship of a man, and of a woman, for the formation of a family, is marriage; of course, after our relationship with God. Then the children, and then the grand children. It does not mean that the parents of the marriage are not important, for the great blessing of the fifth Commandment of the Decalogue, is precisely: “Honour your father and your mother… …and that it may be well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you,” Deuteronomy 5:16.

The Christian woman, or the wife, may win her husband to Christ for her conduct, trying to be in agreement with him, submissive to him with respect, showing a heart that shows an affable and gentle spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. And the husbands dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as a weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life. This way the apostle Peter taught in his first letter, chapter 3. Clearly this society will bring this teaching our to context, but if they, both love each other and respect each other they will taste the honeys of the marriage in a perfect relationship, something each day less usual. He who loves, and she who loves, truly, will never impose nor abuse, but will win the love and the respect.

But God established: “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined tot his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:24-25. It does not say they will be one only spirit, or one only soul, or one only body, but one only flesh, which includes the mind, the way of thinking in the important matters, although they are two independent persons. Note that once they have sinned they are conscious that they are naked are become ashamed, and God asks Adam, who excuses himself. Genesis 3:10-11. There we see that the conscience accuses them. God, in His mercy makes them skin tunics, which implies to kill an animal, which should be lamb, which symbolises Christ the Lamb of God, who covers our sins.

When we read in the Bible: “the husband is head of the wife” (Ephesians 5:23), it refers to the wife, note it does not say “the man”, but, “the husband.” The woman who is not married has no head but Christ. Also the relationship between the husband and the wife must be in love, respect and friendship, the marriage, among them, the best friends they may have, in which they can truly trust one another. If you truly have this, and if you seek together in prayer, God’s blessing, you will have it. We must not forget that Paul also reminds us that the head of the husband is Christ Himself, so we better be submitted, because He sees every action and thought through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us. The wife who loves God is called “virtuous wife”: “all her family is clothed with scarlet…” Proverb 31:21.

Therefore, the responsibility of the husband is to provide for his family in all things, love and happiness for his wife, to share his dreams and friendship with her, and that she does the same, that she is, like the Proverb says, a virtuous wife, who cares for her husband and children. Both united never fail. Promises of God in the Bible for the man who fears God: “Him shall He teach in the way He chooses. He himself shall dwell in prosperity, and his descendants shall inherit the earth. The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him.” Psalm 25:12-14.

THE CHILDREN

The children have a special Commandment for their parents, the fifth, as we have already seen: “Honour your father and your mother”, which includes a great reward; read Ephesians 6:2-4. Children are a gift of God, and also a responsibility. But not all appreciate the blessing of having them, nor some children, in their childhood, and some never, appreciate the grace of having their father and their mother.

Western society has separated from God. Single parent families, children that grow up with no father, or no mother, or in non traditional families, which, according to psychologists is producing an emotional devastation in the new generations, of those who suffer it. Children are brought up by the school, and in their free time they live in the cyberspace, they don’t enjoy nature as before, and abuse of sedentary living, the fast life, and the industrial food, they are producing endemic illness from childhood. Parents don’t know how to relate with their children. In all a strategically chain from our enemy, the devil, which he as orchestrated to do the same he has been doing since Eden, destroying the family. “He who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” Proverbs 13:24.

Why Cain killed Abel?, Genesis 4:8-12, and then he excused himself before God, who replied that the blood of his brother Abel was crying out to God, because nothing that God doesn’t see. He killed him because his works were evil, and his brother’s righteous, as John tells us in his first letter, chapter 3, against Christ’s Commandment of loving one another, loving God first. Did their parents influence as they disobeyed God? Surely it did, for they did not love God over all things, but their own ego. Does our life and attitude in life influence our children? No doubt about it. Does that mean that if we live Christian life and are a good example, our children will be perfect? It is not a warrantee, but it is a mirror for our children to look into. Proverb 22:6 says: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart of it.”

Teenagers deserve a separate chapter, even more, their parents. This is a time in life with great changes, but it is not that they, at this age are complicated, even problematic, it is the world that surrounds them which is a bomb that falls on them, and falls on us. Those of us who have lived it know what we talk about. In her book “Teach Teenagers without Dying in the Way” (Spanish book Educar a Adolescentes sin Morir en el Intento) the Christian psychologist Lidia Martín, guides about the communication between parents, teachers and teenagers, the great need to understand them and help them in their maturity, and how to put limits; the target is to help them build a mature and healthy character to face life with delusion and hope, and to know the difficulties and the challenges they will face.

OTHER RELATIVES

The beloved parents in law can be good friends, or become the enemy, I say this with affection, for we know of the amount of jests and jokes there are about the mother in law, etc. Truly, they are our parents, and as soon as we learn to see them that way, and learn to honour them, the sooner God will bless that relationship, most times difficult without the hand of God.

Widows and orphans have a special place in the Bible. The apostle Paul guided Timothy to be pious with his own family: “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.” 1 Timothy 5:4.

Our brothers, their love, the rivalries, the sharing of inheritances, the preferred, the first born, etc., etc. We all know there are brothers of sisters who are the best friends, and others the worst enemies. Once more the love of God is a school that does not fail, but the flesh is against the Spirit. If we become instructed in this, we will win them all, if we allow to be won by Christ, otherwise the flesh will destroy the relationships.

The grandparents are another fundamental pillar of the family, and it is important to take care of them and let them be a good example to the grandchildren. If our children see that we take care of our elders and they feel loved in their old age, and if we receive them at home and with our children, God does great things in the family that practices this. But if the grandparents are a bad influence, they do not teach education and respect or live in a licentious way, and after talking to them, they don’t change, it is better that they don’t influence negatively to the grandchildren. We are adults and have responsibility. Again, love and prayer are our best weapons for this situation, that sometimes it becomes a family war.

Uncles and cousins must be loved as close part of the family. Many have cousins closer than brothers, or uncles closer than parents, but that is not the correct order, and we must not let this overlooked, even more, they themselves must give way to prioritize the relationships between parents and children, helping and supporting. If we do this, we will be building great home, over the foundations of Him who is the solid foundation, and when thunders of life come, the house does not fall because they all support each other, help and love.

DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES

“And a man’s enemies will be those of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.” Matthew 10:36-38. With these Words we put the initial point of relationships according to Yahshua – Jesus Christ. If we don’t establish this order in our relationship with God, and with our family we will not have God’s blessing, and we will deny it to our ones. Are we able to put Jesus before our loved ones when they rebel against God? And we have a warning from Jesus: “…and every city divided against itself will not stand.” Matthew 12:25.

From this point in which faith and our relationship with Jesus is the first thing, let us oversee the reality of many families that suffer great tragedies, some have suffered abuse when children, or abuse in their marriage, or are sick with situations of paralysis, or have no resources, or have been in prison for a crime, or are drug addicts. Elders with no resources, and those who suffer abandonment from their children and family, others fall in poverty and dye alone, but others receive: “God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.” Psalm 68:6. Entire families in poverty. Sometimes it is attributed to spiritual curses, Deuteronomy 28 is the chapter of the blessings and curses from God for those who love Him or who despised Him in Israel. Today we talk, not under God’s Law, but in a globalized world and multicultural, full of ethnical, ideological and political mix. We see broken marriages, divorces, adulteries, betrayal, children disobedient to their parents and who do not honour nor respect them, fulfilling the prophecies of 2 Timothy 3. Hell has an anteroom in this world in which we also see an anteroom of Heaven.

Statistics from Harvard, or the National Institute of Health, or from World Vision International, show that Christian families have less depression, are more solid, and live a happier life than the atheist or agnostic. We cannot say that the truly Christian family has it all easy and guaranteed, because it would be a lack of truth, it is not the same to have a family, or part of it, where your loved ones fight for you and you for them, pray for you and you for them, and even if we would have to give our lives for Christ they would be ready for that, as our first brothers lived under Rome, or not so far, those who loved God and His Word and for that they were tortured or burned alive by the “Holy” Inquisition. Today also many die persecuted by other religions that in a coward way kill those who don’t think like them.

How to come out of depression, from oblivion, from bankruptcy, or from other situations? Each one must make the effort. There are impossible cases, like degenerative or terminal disease, or imprisoned with life sentence, and other causes of persecution which make life not want to live it, but God can turn it around. Those around these people must help, pray and look for help.

The only way out, the only hope is Jesus Christ. He died for our sins and errors, suffered our grief’s, He loved us, even as we were sinners, before we could love Him, and became man to fulfil His ministry of our reconciliation with God Father. He was betrayed, suffered an unjust trial and was mistreated; He was crucified next to thieves, though He was the Son of God. If you are going to die of a terminal disease, if you are imprisoned with a life sentence, if your life is hell on earth, tell Jesus to save you, that you repent, that you love Him because He died for your on the cross for you, and when you raise in the resurrection when He comes, to take you to His eternal paradise, and if you can do good to your neighbour, to your enemies, and pray for them. If you trust Jesus He will save you, even though you have a bad time here, even though you cannot keep going, He will do, trust Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.” Proverb 3:5-35.

CONCLUSION

“In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you; I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come gain and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know… …I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:2-6. This defines the hope of the Christian family and of those of us who are family of God for the eternity, by His grace. And what about yourself, have you already given your heart to God in Christ?

The family depends on the relationships between its members, and one of the secrets to take care of those relationships with those we love is not to impose ourselves, not to oblige, but not to leave anyone, not to disappear, to be patient and love. Another secret, the most important and that changes relationships, is prayer. Sometimes are many years, others, little time, but the Holy Spirit never leaves us alone, He always works and builds with His perfect love. There are always fruits with these two ways of facing the bond of relationships. Whether the marriage, whether to win the children, the parents, or anyone, even friends in Christ.

Those of us who have healthy families with members who love each other, although we all have our problems, we must thank God, and pray and make the effort, because family is the most important thing in life, after our relationship with God. I close with the key Text for the salvation of the family, if the family sees ourselves living in the faith and giving fruits, ours ones will follow us if: “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:31. Amen.